"My Biggest Networking Mistake: Judging Too Fast"

He was always last to formation, struggled on PT runs, and made mistakes that got the entire platoon punished. Private Smith (as we’ll call him) was, by all visible measures, the weakest link in our Army basic training unit. For weeks, our platoon watched him fail. For weeks, we grew more frustrated. For weeks, we judged him. We were all wrong. And that mistake taught me one of the most powerful lessons about human connection I've ever learned: Everyone you meet has knowledge, skills, and abilities that you don’t have. Over the past two weeks in The Mike Drop, we've explored the first two elements of the CONNECT Framework: Week 1 - Curiosity First: Stop pitching, start asking. The best networkers are the best listeners. Week 2 - Offer Value: Give before you get. Prime the pump by helping others without keeping score. Both of those principles require a foundation, a mindset shift that many people never make. Because even if you're curious and generous, you'll miss incredible opportunities if you can't see past your own assumptions. Today, we tackle the third element: No Judgment. This is where authentic connection lives or dies. No Judgment means approaching all relationships without preconceived notions about what others can or cannot offer. It sounds simple. It's incredibly hard. We make snap judgments constantly. Within seconds of meeting someone, we've already decided: These automatic assessments happen so fast we don't even notice them. But they cost us more than we'll ever know. The professional (and personal) opportunities you miss aren't from the people you never meet. They're from the people you meet and dismiss. Back to Private Smith. Our drill sergeant gathered the entire platoon in the barracks one evening. The tension was thick, and fear was in the air. Everyone knew Smith was struggling. We were all frustrated about the extra punishment we endured because of his mistakes. "Who here has had enough of Private Smith?" Hands shot up. More than half the platoon, immediately. I hesitated, as we'd been tricked before. But when the drill sergeant pressed harder, my hand went up too. Eventually, every hand in the room was raised. "Good. Now let me ask you this: Who here has had a serious conversation with Private Smith?" Almost every hand dropped. Including mine. "Private Jones, where did Private Smith grow up?" "I don't know, drill sergeant." "Private Carillo, what did Private Smith do before joining the Army?" "I don't remember, drill sergeant." "Put your hands down. None of you know him. None of you tried." Then came the gut punch. "If you idiots had taken the time to talk to Smith, you'd know he's from South Carolina. He worked as a banker for five years. He's helped more people buy homes than any of you have helped do anything. Every one of you wants a house someday, and Smith could give you all knowledge about the process.  Smith joined the Army out of patriotism, not for a paycheck. And instead of helping him succeed, you all hoped he'd fail." The room went silent. We had judged him based entirely on what we saw in the barracks; his physical struggles, his mistakes under pressure, his difficulty adapting to military life. We never looked deeper. We never asked who he actually was. We saw weakness. We missed expertise. The drill sergeants marched us to the running track. Thirty-six laps. One for every man in the platoon. As I ran, one question kept circling through my mind: How many people have I dismissed in my life without ever really knowing them? We judge based on: The Private Smith Principle: Every person you meet knows something you don't. Every person has something to teach you, if you're willing to look past the surface. I wish I could say the Private Smith lesson fixed me permanently, but it didn't. Years later, as a captain in the fire service, I attended a state-wide training conference. During lunch, I sat with colleagues I already knew. We talked shop, shared stories, and felt important. At the next table sat a group that included a quiet guy in his 60s who looked completely out of place. He was older and reserved, sitting on the periphery of conversations. I never introduced myself. Turns out, he was the retired fire chief from one of the largest departments in the state. He'd led hundreds of firefighters, managed multimillion-dollar budgets, and pioneered regional training programs I admired. He was there specifically to mentor up-and-coming officers, and was one of the keynote speakers. I judged him as unimportant based on his quiet demeanor and age. I missed a golden opportunity to learn from him because of my assumptions and lack of willingness to invite him to our table. That mistake cost me nothing tangible. But it cost me something invaluable: the chance to learn from someone who'd walked the exact path I was trying to navigate.  Additionally, we’ve all been “that person” in the room; feeling awkward, not knowing anyone, sitting by ourselves.  If for nothing other than human decency, I should have spoken to him. Here's what 24 years of reinventions taught me: The most valuable people in your network are rarely the ones with the most impressive titles. The dishwasher who taught me the ropes on my first job modeled generosity and work ethic. The quiet soldier everyone dismissed was a banking expert who could have helped half the platoon with financial planning.  (After our hard lesson, he eventually did) The retired chief I ignored was mentor waiting to share decades of wisdom. The administrative assistant at the bank knew more about internal politics and how things actually work than the executives. Value isn't distributed based on hierarchy. It's distributed based on experience, perspective, and character, and those things aren't visible on a business card. No Judgment is about approaching people with openness instead of assumption. The Three-Layer Approach: Layer 1: Pause the Automatic Assessment When you meet someone, notice your immediate judgment. Don't fight it (that's impossible). Just acknowledge it. "I'm judging this person as less important because they're not dressed professionally." "I'm assuming this person can't help me because their job title isn't impressive." Layer 2: Ask Yourself "What Don't I Know?" Challenge your assumption with curiosity: "What if their casual dress means they're confident enough not to perform?" "What if their 'unimpressive' title gives them insight I don't have?" Layer 3: Lead With Curiosity (Circle Back to Week 1) Ask questions that reveal who they actually are: These questions bypass titles and appearances. They get to substance. The Diversity Advantage Diverse networks create breakthroughs. When you include people who: No Judgment doesn't just make you a better person (although that should be your primary goal). It makes you a more effective professional. Let me be clear: No Judgment doesn't mean ignoring red flags. There's a difference between: Healthy discernment: "This person has repeatedly broken commitments. I'll protect my boundaries." Premature judgment: "This person doesn't dress like me. They must not be serious professionals." Healthy discernment: "This person's behavior makes me uncomfortable. I'll limit interaction." Premature judgment: "This person is quiet. They must not have anything valuable to say." No Judgment means giving people a fair chance to demonstrate who they are through their actions and character, not dismissing them based on surface-level observations. If someone proves themselves untrustworthy, adjust accordingly. But don't rob them (or yourself) of the opportunity to connect based purely on assumptions. Day 1-2: Awareness Audit Day 3-4: Challenge Your Assumptions Pick someone you've dismissed or overlooked: Have a 15-minute conversation. Lead with curiosity. Learn one thing that surprises you about them. Day 5-7: The Opposite Corner Exercise At your next professional gathering: Bonus Challenge: The Assumption Flip We started asking Private Smith questions. We learned about his background, his expertise, his reasons for serving. Several soldiers asked him for financial advice. He helped many of us understand our finances and interest rates. More importantly, we started helping him with the things he struggled with. Physical training, military protocol, stress management under pressure. When we dropped our judgment, he became valuable to us. When he felt valued, he contributed more. By the end of basic training, Private Smith was no longer the platoon's weakest link. He was just Smith, a banker-turned-soldier with unique strengths and weaknesses, just like the rest of us. That's what No Judgment creates: space for everyone to contribute their unique value. The Compounding Effect No Judgment compounds with the first two CONNECT elements: Curiosity First + No Judgment = You ask better questions because you're not assuming answers Offer Value + No Judgment = You help people you might have overlooked, creating unexpected allies All Three Together = You build a diverse, powerful network that creates opportunities impossible in homogeneous circles Most people network with people who look like them, think like them, and work like them. That's comfortable. It's also limiting. The people who look different, think different, and work different are your competitive advantage. But only if you can get past your initial judgments long enough to discover their value. We've covered the foundation of authentic connection: Next week, we move into relationship maintenance: Nurture Relationships - Why networking is farming, not hunting. Until then, practice catching your judgments. Challenge your assumptions. Talk to someone you'd normally overlook. The opportunity you're missing might be disguised as someone unimportant. Every week, I share one principle from 26 years of career reinventions - from dishwasher to soldier to firefighter to banker to entrepreneur and author. No theory. Just real stories and practical tools for building authentic professional relationships. Don’t miss the launch of (NOT) Self Made: From Poverty to Published, live at the Orpheum Theater in Flagstaff on December 11.  Join me for an evening that redefines success and connection.  Every ticket includes a copy of my book and access to an unforgettable keynote and networking experience.  Get your tickets at https://wl.eventim.us/event/not-self-made/668207?afflky=OrpheumTheater My book SELF MADE: From Poverty to Published (foreword by Navy SEAL Robert J. O'Neill) launches in SOON! It's the complete CONNECT Framework plus 90 days of implementation tools. Subscribe to The Mike Drop to never miss an article. Connect at michaelgreenwalt.net Nice work Mike! I know there are lots of "private smiths" in our path. Thank you for the reminder to not judge too fast and to dig deeper. The first time I asked myself who I was becoming, I didn’t know I was asking it. I was standing in a National Guard… Everyone is talking about what AI can do. Nobody is asking what it's doing to you. 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